Obama Saved the Country from The Greatest Economic Crisis Since the Great Depression

Turns out he's not such an awful president.

Turns out he's not such an awful president.

Sorry this blog’s been dark for a couple days, loyal truth-seeking readers, but I’ve been doing some soul-searching over the long weekend, pondering the young Obama presidency. Turns out, I realized, the guy’s doing a pretty good job, what with him saving the country from the greatest economic crisis since the Great Depression and all.

I may disagree with Obama’s big-government policies. And in particular, his guilt by association to association with the evil poverty-rights group ACORN gives me pause, but the guy did save the country from the greatest economic crisis since the Great Depression, and that’s gotta count for something, right?

So effective immediately I am retiring this blog. I will still continue my crusade against big-government socialism, but I have realized that it is nonconstructive to rip apart the president’s every move, especially when our country is still facing two wars, a turbulent situation in the Middle East, a disastrous housing market, employment shortfalls and an economy that will remain shaky for years to come. It’s time to rebuild this country, not tear down the guy trying to rebuild it—even if he is an arugula-munching Muslim, the man deserves our support, if for no other reason than he’s the president of these great United States (at least until birth certificates prove him otherwise).

So I leave you, dear truth seekers, with these final, immortal words: God bless America, the country that Obama saved from the greatest economic crisis since the Great Depression.

Obama saved the country, but he’s giving Europe the cold shoulder

He says he'll call you back, Gordon Brown, but he won't.

He says he'll call you back, Gordon Brown, but he won't.

Obama saved the country from the greatest economic crisis since the Great Depression, but aside from that, he has subjected America to nothing but indignities. Perhaps the most offensive of all the president’s stances is his willingness to blow off our oldest allies: The Europeans.

The National Review’s Victor Davis Hanson makes the case that Obama is like an irresistible player who hooked up with Europe but now won’t return their many phone calls (seriously—he frames his column with the “he’s just not that into you, Europe” angle). So what’s going on here?

“Millions of Americans now trace their heritages not to Europe, but to Africa, Asia, or Latin America,” Hanson laments. “For a generation, the schools have emphasized all sorts of non-Western ethnic-studies courses instead of the old core curriculum based on Western civilization. Obama, with both a Kenyan and Muslim paternity, reflects that trend. For example, one of the first things Obama — the son of a British colonial subject — did as president was remove a bust of Winston Churchill from the Oval Office and send it back to Britain.” Burn!

“China, India, and Japan are also collectively larger than Europe, and may one day be wealthier as well,” Hanson writes. “We owe most of our debt to non-Europeans, buy our energy from non-Europeans, and seem to send our soldiers increasingly far from Europe. Obama’s spurning of Europe reflects the new geopolitics.”

Sigh. Like Hanson, I recall the good old days when America only dealt with civilized—excuse me, civilised—countries. Those days ended when we elected a Muslim Kenyan president, though.

So Obama saved the country from the greatest economic crisis since the Great Depression, restoring consumer confidence to new heights in the wake of last year’s economic collapse, but he should be focusing more effort on pleasing our European allies who so badly require our attention. Enough talk about job creation and Afgahnistan, Mr. President—what can we do to make Britain happier?

Obama saved the country, but he’s destroying the Republic by being effective

Impotent? No. Dangerous? Yes.

Impotent? No. Dangerous? Yes.

Obama saved the country from the greatest economic crisis since the Great Depression, but aside from that, we were reminded last week by the great Fred Armisen, he hasn’t accomplished anything. So that’s the new C.W. now, Obama is ineffective, right?

Wrong! “Obama hasn’t accomplished anything” is so last week, and forward-thinking conservatives like me and Matt Patterson are now on a new, better tip. Patterson makes the case that Obama hasn’t been a do-nothing president; he’s actually been a do-something president… more specifically, a do-bad-somethings president.

“Obama is doing much, and much that is destructive to both our economic health and our national security,” Patterson writes for the American Thinker, the thinking American’s thinking periodical. “Conservatives who believe that Obama is politically impotent are dangerously mistaken … Obama may not get everything he wants, but make no mistake—his policies are statist in design, intent, and effect. Just because he won’t achieve total success doesn’t mean he can’t cripple the Republic in the trying.”

So make no mistake about it; much as Obama saved the country from the greatest economic crisis since the Great Depression, ushering in the Dow’s improbable return to 10,000, he’s also been effective in other regards—namely detroying the United Republic of America. Obama hasn’t accomplishing anything? We off that. Obama being bad for America? Yeah, we still on that.

Obama saved the country, but he deserves his Nobel Prize (in a bad way, not a good way)

"With this coin, we invite you to join Jimmy Carter's secret anti-American cabal."

"With this coin, we invite you to join Jimmy Carter's secret anti-American cabal."

Obama saved the country from the greatest economic crisis since the Great Depression, but Democrats and Republicans alike uniformly agreed that he probably hadn’t yet done enough to warrant a the Nobel Peace Prize he won last week. That’s why it was a shock when conservative columnist Rich Lowry argued today that Obama deserved the prize. But wait for the twist—that’s a bad thing!

Phew, for a second I thought the great Lowry had lost his marbles.

Obama w0n the prize, Lowry contends, for his anti-Americanism: “He has managed to convince the Nobel Committee that he shares its post-American view of the world. The apologies for his country, the embrace of the U.N., the ridiculous talk of global disarmament, the distance from Israel and kid gloves for Iran, the slaps at American hegemony — all are the stuff of shame-faced American weakness and retrenchment, uttered by the most powerful American on the planet.”

“This is the promise the Nobel Committee sees in Obama, and why — if he is to succeed as an American president as opposed to a crowd-pleasing citizen of the world — he must prove it wrong,” Lowry concludes.

Like Lowry, I’m embarrassed to live in a country presided over by a crowd-pleasing citizen of the world.

So, to recap: Obama saved the country from the greatest economic crisis since the Great Depression, enacting swift emergency legislation that has resulted in a stronger Dow, renewed consumer confidence and most recently an improbably recovery in the country’s broken housing market, but the world has dishonored him by awarding him with one of its highest honors. He now must use every day of his presidency to prove he doesn’t deserve the Nobel Peace Prize. Starting a unilateral war against, say, France, might be a step in the right direction, but he should act soon, because he’s running out of time.

Obama saved the country, but his Nobel prize proves the world hates him

Nobel FAIL

Nobel FAIL

Obama saved the country from the greatest economic crisis since the Great Depression, but much as his failure to secure the Olympics for America proved that the rest of the world hates him, so does the announcement today that Obama won the Nobel Peace Prize.

It is always a sad, sad  day for America when a sitting president wins a Nobel Peace Prize.

My conservative colleagues handled the news with typical grace, rightly refusing to congratulate the president.

“This fully exposes the illusion that is Barack Obama,” Rush Limbaugh explained to Politico. “And with this ‘award’ the elites of the world are urging Obama, THE MAN OF PEACE, to not do the surge in Afghanistan, not take action against Iran and its nuclear program and to basically continue his intentions to emasculate the United States … They love a weakened, neutered U.S, and this is their way of promoting that concept.”

So yes, Obama saved the country from the greatest economic crisis since the Great Depression, stabalizing an economy on its final legs through swift, unprecedented action, but we now have proof beyond a doubt that the world hates him: It awarded him with one of the highest honors possible.

Obama saved the country, but he is pushing the gay agenda

Do you support the troops or the gays? It can't be both

Do you support the troops or the gays? It can't be both

Obama saved the country from the greatest economic crisis since the Great Depression, but just because he saved America doesn’t mean he shares America’s values. He proved that this week when he caved to LGBT groups by appointing an openly gay ambassador to New Zealand. New Zealand will never respect us now.

Meanwhile, Obama’s librul cronies in the house are further pushing the gay agenda in the house, where they’ve attached a provision forbidding hate crimes against gays and lesbians to the 2010 defense authorization bill. Lucky, a few republicans have their priorities in place: House Minority Leader John Boehner  and House GOP Conference Chairman Mike Pence will vote against the bill. Like them, I’m all for supporting the troops, but not if it means supporting gay people, too. We would rather see this country destroyed by terrorists than see Obama’s big government condemn violence against lesbians.

So, yes, Obama saved the country from the greatest economic crisis since the Great Depression, stabilizing a crumbling financial system and restoring faith in an economy that nearly shattered beyond repair, but he is destroying America by pushing the gay agenda.

Obama saved the country, but radical Bill Ayers ghost-wrote his book! [UPDATE: Bill Ayers did not ghost-write his book]

"Obama and I enjoy writing books together. Also: bombing Americans."

"Obama and I enjoy writing books together. Also: bombing Americans."

Obama saved the country from the greatest economic crisis since the Great Depression, but his true ties to radical ’60s Weather Underground bomber Bill Ayers have been exposed! A completely reputable conservative blogger yesterday dropped this shocker: He ran into Ayers at an airport, and Ayers confessed to writing Obama’s autobiography, Dreams from my Father. So that father Obama was dreaming about? Turns out it was Ayers’ father!

So there you have it, 100% proof that despite claims the two barely knew each other—and by some accounts actively kept their distance from each other—we now know that Obama and Ayers are brothers in book-writing (and possibly terrorism). Obama may have saved the country from the greatest economic crisis since the Great Depression, but Bill Ayers ghost-wrote his book!

UPDATE: Bill Ayers did not ghost-write Obama’s book. Turns out the guy was very (very, very) obviously being sarcastic when he confessed, but I’m sure it was an honest misunderstanding.